Friendships Between Men & Women

Within the Church

Passages to consider:

1. “Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.” 1 Timothy 5:1-2
2. “All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful, but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.” 1 Corinthians 10:23-24
3. “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” Galatians 5:13
4. “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” Ephesians 4:16-17

Diagnostic questions to ask:

• What are the risks of this relationship?
• Is it causing me to sin or continually exposing me to temptation, OR causing the other person to sin/be exposed to temptation? (See Luke 17:1-2)
• Do I have accountability in this relationship? If not, how can I seek accountability?
• What are my motivations in pursuing this relationship?
• Am I using my freedom to serve this brother or sister through love?
• If this person were my brother or sister in my natural family, would I be treating him or her differently than I am now?
• Does this relationship come at the cost of holy, edifying same-sex relationships which are explicitly instructed in scripture? 
• Am I neglecting my responsibility to the church by pursuing this instead of same-sex discipleship relationships?
• Does this relationship cause me to treasure Christ more and strive for holiness more wholeheartedly?
• Am I truly seeking the guidance of Scripture and the Holy Spirit in this relationship?

In the Context of Evangelism

To keep in mind:

• Jesus’ example, as well as those of the apostles, shows us that it’s not shameful or sinful to intentionally share Christ with someone of the opposite gender.
• John 4 - the woman at the well; Luke 7:36-50 - the woman of the city forgiven; Acts 16:11-15 - the conversion of Lydia
• All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful. 
• What is the most beneficial way of going about this relationship? (Note: beneficial is rarely synonymous with easy.)
• Unless I am mistaken, we do not see any examples of intimate, ongoing relationships between men and women outside of marriage in Scripture, believing or unbelieving, except if they engage in this relationship as a married couple (e.g. Priscilla and Aquila with Paul - Acts 18) or in the context of a group (e.g. Mary, Martha, & Lazarus with Jesus - John 11).
• We should follow the example set by Jesus’ disciples and Paul (Luke 10; throughout Acts, e.g. ch. 13:2-3) by evangelizing together.
• Going alone is the exception, not the rule (one-on-one evangelism should be the exception even in same-sex relationships).
• If engaging in intimate, one-on-one relationships is risky between believing brothers and sisters, how much more between a believer and someone who is not walking by the Spirit!